Friday, October 23, 2015

Day 18- Rehabilitation- Psalm 143- Seek God In The Midst of Disappointment

This week has been the ever famous third week of rolling emotions.  I say this, because in every kind of recovery, there is inevitably some kind of set back, or issue that causes the dreaded emotions and what ifs of any situation.  As a Christian, I genuinely largely refrain from that question, but in the still, small, quiet hours of three AM in a hospital, it sneaks up on you.  And then it sits like a heavy brick on your chest.  And then, you have to ask the doctor, therapist, specialist etc... what if?  

That moment came yesterday.  I had been awake two solid nights, and laid awake at 3 am and had some kind of cosmic revelation (in my own mind) that took me back to Wyatt's recovery from the first major orthopedic overhaul he had 4 years ago.  I started doing the math and counting weeks... and BAM!  I came to the conclusion that we were not nearly even close to where he had progressed to at this point in his rehab last time.  Enter brick on chest.  Finally 7 A.M. rolled around, I got Wyatt up and out to therapy, and then I called my Mom, because I needed to say words that not anyone else on this planet would understand at that moment.  After my mental moment of weakness, I took her advice.  I went back to the therapy clinic while Wyatt was in an activity, and talked to his physical therapist Ms. Shannon.  

After a couple of minutes of talking, I realized that I was truly seeing Wyatt's situation for what it was.  He was not going to have the monumental recovery he had last time. At that point, Wyatt wasn't even looking like he was going to walk out of the hospital.  The reality yesterday was that it was going to be another 3-4 months before he was back to walking full time.  He was going to be dependent on a wheelchair.  

And then I let my emotions take me for a joy ride for a little while.

I struggled with the thought, "He walked into this hospital in April to have surgery to make it better, and now he's not even going to leave here as good as he was?"   Yea.  That's a big one.  I assure you, my anger, and resentment could have taken control quite quickly.  I wrestled with how to ask God why, without shaking my indigent fist at Him.  And I sulked.  Alot.   And I faced reality.  I can't even say I prayed at this point... because any words I said to God at all were not reverent, or with any kind of heart of joy or love, or anything remotely appearing holy or righteous.  Selfish.  That's about the only word I can use to describe what I felt.  How hard it was going to be to have two babies in wheelchairs.  How hard it was going to be for us to do anything as a family because Wyatt would require so much more than he had been in the past.  Going out in public, taking him hunting, anything that brought him joy was going to take more effort from me.  


So this morning,  after going through our "Shreveport" morning routine,  I regrouped, spent time in Proverbs (I would say I had a heart condition and Proverbs always gives me the right medicine), and studies in Acts, and attempted to reign in my emotions.  I won't say it was easy... but I am thankful I did.  I went back to a conversation Wyatt had yesterday with Ms. Shannon while they were walking... he finally admitted to her he was in pain.  So after consulting with Ms. Shannon and the nurse, we decided to try pain medicine preemptively in stead of treating symptoms.  

It worked.  

Wyatt walked twice the distance today in half the time.  

Does this mean he is going to walk out of here next Friday? Highly unlikely.  But it gave me something I desperately needed- Hope.  I have to remember that no matter what happens, my hope is in something Eternal.  And I have to remember that what ever happens, it happens to bring honor and glory to God.  In whatever shape or form that takes.  I have to be confident in him.  

I came across this passage of scripture that was exactly what I needed to hear- 

Psalms 143 

I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.
Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.
My enemy?  My doubting Thomas self.  I am so thankful for a God who answers prayers, and walks this journey with us, even when we doubt the aspects of his love and devotion to His children.  In spite of myself, He is still there... using all of us for His Glory.  
I am so sorry I didn't seek Him early, so that maybe this could have all turned out differently (at least emotionally) but still thankful for the truth it presented for me to face.  

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Days 5 & 6- Rehabilitation- Through Christ...

Days 5 & 6 were nothing spectacular.  We are making decent progress through the day, finding our rhythm through therapy and school, and still tending to as much as we can back home from here.  Wyatt continues to get stronger, and walk further.  We had a group of volunteer entertainers come through, and Wyatt got in on some of it, but made the big kid decision he was here to work rather than play.  He misses home, and recognizes what the whole family is sacrificing by us being here.  

Nana sent money with us so Wyatt could get a break from the hospital food, and he tells me everyday he can't wait to get home so I can cook again.  

We miss home.... But I feel like such a brat because I am getting to come home every weekend, and there are kids from Panama who have been here with their parents for 6 months.  I can't even imagine.  We have been gone three days, and are already homesick.  

Today, as long as my focus and goal is to bring honor and glory to Christ... We can press on.  As long as in the end our hearts goals and desires were to glorify him, and whatever goal we are trying to reach is for His glory...

Philippians 4:13 
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheth me.  

John 11:4 

Friday, October 9, 2015

Day 3 & 4- Rehabilitation- According To His Purpose

Day three and four updates posted together today because, well I fell asleep and didn't post last night.  

Wyatt had a great day on day three.  He only walked in the afternoon, and did a Lego/brick builders activity in the afternoon.  Wyatt is only one of four English speaking kids here this time around, the rest of the kids are from Panama.  Wyatt was paired with a Spanish speaking teenager, so the fact that they wear able to get anything done right is amazing. He and this young man now play video games in the teen lounge during their down time. It amazes me that friendship can cross even language barriers. 

Today (day 4) we got the not so good news- as much as we were hoping for a two week stay, Shannon feels like it's going to be 4 weeks.  We were both pretty bummed out about it, but like I told Wyatt, we knew it was a possibility.  

And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. 
Romans 8:28 

So, while we both wanted this to be a quick stay, we know there is a reason, and a purpose for being here.  As hard as it is, I am thankful for cell phones, FaceTime, and Facebook.  It helps pass the time, and keep the homesick at bay.  

We are headed home for the weekend,but will coming back with a head and heart ready to work hard. 

John 11:4 

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Day 2: Rehabilitation- Faint Not

Remember yesterday's post, when I said that everyday would be different, and that I never know what to expect with Mr. Wyatt?  

This morning turned out to be one of those mornings- I made the mistake of letting little man sleep in a little bit (okay, maybe I overslept a little too) and the struggle was on!  We rolled into physical therapy 5 minutes late (it's only down the hall)- and then Wyatt got a good stretch.  He worked really hard yesterday and Miss Shannon wants to make sure she takes good care of his muscles.  Then he had an hour of occupational therapy, in which he has decided during his tenure here to build this large wooden eagle model (pictures will follow on this one in the coming days, I am sure.  There is talk of repairs with a hot glue gun, we shall see....).  

Then we had down time for two hours and decided to take a much needed (or wanted) trip to Target.  We shopped out the things we needed (I am going to do my best to start the 21 day fix again tomorrow AM and I got what I could to follow as closely as possible), and some clothing things for Wyatt and headed to the check out. Y'all know me.  I talk to everyone.  It's in my nature.  I LOVE to talk.  So the lady in front of me and I were conversating and she was about to check out and go- and she looked at me and asked if she could get my stuff too.  Y'all.  I of course tried to talk her out of it, but in the end she graciously blessed Wyatt and I.  Not because she bought a bunch of our stuff for us, but because she wanted to do something and acted on that feeling.  I cannot express to you what it did to my heart to have someone do that for me.  Just because she could, and wanted to.  

How often do we think- I should do something- but I don't know what.  Or I should say something, or pay someone a compliment- but we don't? Guys, these promptings don't come from us, but from an amazing Holy Spirit that talks to our hearts daily.  Don't try to rob someone of a blessing- let that blessing inspire you to bless another.. And another... And another.  The world needs more good- and we CAN change the world with Christian love- just by being the blessing.  I smiled all day from that small gesture that she made- a purchase that will get me through the week and possibly next here- and got to share that blessing with others just by sharing it with the nurses here- they were excited to hear something good happening in their community.

Thank you just seemed so insignificant... 

What good can you do, right where you sit, today, tomorrow, or next week?  

Galatians 6:9-10a
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.  As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all (men)...

Y'all.  Let's just do some good.... 
John 11:4

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Rehabilitation- Day 1- Be Strong, and of Good Courage

The much anticipated day of fall finally arrived-rehab.  The mother in me both dreaded and looked forward to it. I love investing in my children, but hate being away from the rest of the family.  

If you know us, what I am about to say is no surprise- life with Wyatt can be quite trying at times.  Wyatt has his very own way of thinking, and his very own strong willed way of doing things as well.  Most definitely 13- most definitely opinionated- and unfortunately he has paired with it being extremely soft hearted.  All that considered, we walk such a fine line in how hard and fast to push him, because there are no warning signs before you reach the emotional cliff, and then it's a long hard push back up the incline to start all over.  

Today, however, Wyatt woke up ready to work.  In his first morning physical therapy session, Wyatt was stretched out, assessed, measured, and even stood a little bit without the support of bracing.  We then braced up and walked about ten steps before moving on to occupational therapy.  

This afternoon, Miss Shannon braced him up immediately and set him to walking.  With breaks intermittently, Wyatt walked about 55 feet or so with the support of a walker.  He was very pleased with his first day, and so was I!  

God has been so good to us in this journey.  My prayer since the very first surgery has been that something would ignite a fire and drive in Wyatt to do better and be better to his body.  I pray that Wyatt will understand before it's too late that he has a choice in what happens to his body, and that if he will do right now he won't be left with what could have been prevented and a permanent problem with his body.  That is my prayer for him physically, anyway.  Spiritually I pray that he can one day see the impact he has had in this walk, and what more he can do to further the gospel with the power of his testimony. 

Be strong and of good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for The Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee;  he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. 

Deutaronomy 31:6 

John 11:4